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Webchat: Consent and Sexual Violence: 27/02/17

Join us for a chat from 4:30pm on Monday 27th February 2017.

Concerned about your sexual relationship and feeling under too much pressure? Don’t worry there is help available to you. Join us online to talk to a professional from United Against Violence and Abuse, ask questions, seek advice and find out ways to get help.

Remember all of the chats are completely anonymous, safe and secure, see our terms and conditions for more information.

In order to post in our chat section you'll need to login or register some details first. Don't worry we wont display any personal information on the site, and you can choose an anonymous username.
Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:33

Hi this webchat is open and the topic today is talking about sexual violence and abuse...

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:36

Child sexual abuse is largely a hidden crime.

It is estimated that 1 in 4 females and 1 in 6 males experience sexual abuse before the age of 16.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:36

Child sexual abuse is largely a hidden crime.

It is estimated that 1 in 4 females and 1 in 6 males experience sexual abuse before the age of 16.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:38

Why don't children tell?

3/4's of children who are abused do not tell anyone about it and many keep their secret all their lives.

In 2000 a study was conducted by the NSPCC and below are some of the reasons why children were unable to tell:

"it was nobody else's business"
"didn't think it was serious or wrong"
"didn't want parents to find out"
"didn't want friends to find out"
"didn't want the authorities to find out"
"was frightened"
"didn't think would be believed"
"had been threatened by abuser"
"i feel ashamed"

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:41

What is grooming?

Grooming is a word used to describe how people who want to sexually harm children and young people get close to them, and often their families, and gain their trust.

They do this in all kinds of places – in the home or local neighbourhood, the child's school, youth and sports club, the local church and the workplace.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:42

Grooming may also occur online by people forming relationships with children and pretending to be their friend.

They do this by finding out information about you and trying to establish the likelihood of you telling anyone.

They might try to find out as much as they can about your family and social networks and, if they think it is 'safe enough', will then try to isolate you and may use flattery and promises of gifts, or threats and intimidation in order to achieve some control.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:44

Groomers give a false physical description of themselves which may bear no resemblance to their real appearance – some send pictures of other people, pretending that it is them.

Groomers may also seek out potential victims by looking through personal websites such as social networking sites.

There is also gang related grooming.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:46

Where can I get further help or advice?

If you are worried about someone's behaviour towards a friend or family member, you can:

Contact your local police
Contact your local Social Services
Contact the Stop it Now! Helpline
Contact the NSPCC Helpline
Report online to the Child Exploitation and Online Protection (CEOP) Centre

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:47

What is consent?

When it comes to sexual activity and sex, you have the right to decide when you do it, where you do it, and how you do it.

For any sexual activity to happen, both people need to consent, or say yes, willingly and freely.

Sexual activity does not just mean sex, it includes kissing, hugging, making out, cuddling, and touching someone’s body in a sexual way.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:48

So, how do you know if someone wants to make out or have sex?

You have to ask! For example, if you want to touch someone’s bum, you could say something like, “Is it okay if I touch your bum?” and if they say “YES!” it’s bum touching time.

If they aren’t sure or don’t say anything that means the answer is no. In other words, anything other than yes, means no.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:48

We know that consent can be a lot more complicated than just saying “yes.”

People don’t always talk about touching/sex before it happens.

Many people communicate non-verbally, through eye contact and body language. Unfortunately, non-verbal communication can sometimes lead to misunderstandings, if you are unsure, stop and ask.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:50

Have a look at this great video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGoWLWS4-kU

It tells you what consent is about...

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:52

There's another great one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObvC12uJa6A

You may have seen this as it's been on the telly alot reecently

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:53

VERY IMPORTANT INFO

If someone thinks they received non-verbal consent for sex but the other person really wasn’t interested, then it could lead to rape or assault if they act on their mistaken belief.

Charges can be laid in situations where someone did not give their consent to sex or sexual activity.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:54

You have the right to change your mind at any point and the sexual activity or sex has to stop.

Not stopping when the other person wants to stop is called sexual assault. There is no excuse for not stopping, and part of consent means listening to and respecting your partner.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:55

Trying to turn someone’s “no” into an “ok, I guess so” is called sexual coercion.

Coercion is when someone keeps asking even after hearing no, or tries to threaten or bribe the other person by saying things like, “if you loved me you would” or “my ex would do this with me, why won’t you?”

Sexual coercion is disrespectful and is a form of sexual assault.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 16:56

Nobody has the right to ask you to consent to sex when you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

People sometimes make different choices after using drugs or alcohol than they would usually make.

This is why we are not able to give informed consent if we are using drugs or alcohol. Getting someone drunk or high in order to have sex with them is assault.

Chat Health (Katie - Moderator) / 27 Feb 17:04

If you have ever dealt with or are dealing with sexual assault it is never your fault and it can be important to talk to someone.

This chat is now closed!

This chat is now closed, thanks for taking part.

Should you need anymore information on this topic, have a look at:

Health for Teens: Relationship section or:

http://www.uava.org.uk/

www.leicestersexualhealth.nhs.uk

www.nspcc.org.uk 

www.childline.org.uk

http://jasminehouse.org.uk/Contact_us

 

www.youngminds.org.uk

Alternatively you could speak to your parent/carer, a trusted adult, member of school staff, your school nurse or doctor.  If there is an emergency then please contact 999 or visit A&E.

You can text your school nurse through the ChatHealth messaging service which runs Monday - Friday 9am - 5pm.  If you go to school in Leicester City please text 07520 615386, if you go to school in Leicestershire County or Rutland then please text 07520 615387.

Find help in your local area

Find out what services are available to you in your area. Remember your school nurse is always there to give you confidential help and support.